Actual stupid questions asked

Here are some funny lawyer jokes, believed to be taken from real court records.

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

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Q: I showed you Exhibit 3, did you recognize that picture?
A: Yes, that's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

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Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

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Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. John at St. Peter's Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. John was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!